The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
