i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
