How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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