i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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