I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize