I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is it fun? or sober?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
