so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
