if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
