Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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