we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
