I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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