Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize