i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
