I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
they need to just BURY HIM!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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