For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
