You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
