can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
