I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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