You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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