better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
