She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
