yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
