i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
