i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
