"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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