I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
