I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You ruined the universe
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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