I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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