i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
