We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
