I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
