Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
