you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
