We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
