She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
