would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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