spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
