Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
