My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
