Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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