is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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