I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
