god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
