PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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