Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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