I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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