so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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