That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think my moral compass just broke
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
