Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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