Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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