either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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