there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
