we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
