Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
