thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
