Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
