his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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