this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
