She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
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I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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