first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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