You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
