Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
