yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
