You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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