There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
