Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
