I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
