You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
