this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
