I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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