THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
