I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
