That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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