I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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